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Friday, October 16, 2015

Revolutionary blueprint for Scottish football leaked

According to unnamed sources at Hampden Park, a revolutionary blueprint is currently considered by Scottish FA board.

The report highlights the 3 points difference between Scotland and the Republic of Ireland (closest between 4th and 3rd in all the groups) and the failure of qualifying to an expanded EURO 2016, despite being one of the promoters of this expansion.

It also goes on to mention the inadequacy of the Dutch system, embraced in recent years by the SFA. It uses terms such as "Dutch development bubble" when referring to the Netherlands finishing fourth in their preliminary group.

The successful qualification campaigns of Wales and Northern Ireland are put down to Gareth Bale and sheer luck respectively.

Belgium are also mentioned, but their results and unexpected first position in the FIFA rankings are seen as a result of shady dealings between the two chocolate producing countries. Paul Call, the known American journalist, has already asked Swiss authorities to investigate this issue.

The authors of this report urge the board to take a page out of Albania's book. It points out the many similarities between the people of Scotland and Albania, even drawing comparisons between William Wallace and George Castriot (commonly known as Skanderbeg), heroes of these two nations.

In short, this is the plan:

1. Get drawn in the same group as England for the next qualifying campaign.
2. At the away game vs. England, have a drone ready to fly over the field with a map of independent Scotland, including the Debatable Lands and obviously Orkney and Shetland, as "It's Scotland's oil".
3. Give Alex Salmond or Liam McLaughlan the remote control.
4. Get the 3 points after a ruling by the disciplinary committee.
5. Qualify to a major tournament.

Apparently Mr. McLaughlan thinks this approach might be a bit too radical.

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